MasterChef: what will it take to spice up this format?

MasterChef has returned; televisual comfort food served three times a week. No one’s really scared of John Torode and Gregg Wallace any more. There are only so many ways you can sear a scallop and still hold the public’s attention. Monica Galetti, the high priestess of killer looks and MasterChef intrigue, is only unleashed on the professionals. So is there really a reason to watch the original series, back for its eleventh outing?

Once watercooler telly, MasterChef is increasingly more akin to your colleague’s hummus at the back of the fridge: a good idea gone a bit mouldy. The show needs to evolve – and Torode and Wallace chancing the world’s most awkward fist-bump isn’t going to rejuvenate the format by itself.And so, producers have introduced the Calling Card, in which the amateur chefs cook up a dish that’ll make Gregg use the phrase “nice plate of food”. They don’t half make a meal of it. Yeah, you’ve been to Thailand, have you? And now you’re going to cook some crispy beef? What do you want, a medal? Put your soul on that plate, did you? Then why doesn’t it look like half a bottle of Diamond White and a chewed-up chicken goujon?

But wait – Torode and Wallace have another challenge up their sleeves: the Reinvention Test. “Not invention,” explains Gregg, knocking up his voice another notch on the boom-ometer. “REinvention.” Oh, just cook the same thing again and stick it on a bed of mash. And remember: no one wants your avocado cheesecake, mate.

Still, there’s a lot at stake when previous finalists rock up making out they’re Gordon bleedin’ Ramsay and waffling on about well executed pasta – sorry, raviolo. Except Ping from last year, who remains lovely. But with no Bake Off-style innuendo or bingate, MasterChef still needs a few new ingredients. So why not borrow them from other shows?

Big Brother

The chefs are already having cheeky chats to prove they’re human this series, so MasterChef should go the whole hog and make them live together and cook together 24 hours a day. Even better, get Perez Hilton to hang around while they’re cooking and taunt them until they beg to leave.

Strictly Come Dancing

Sequins, fake tan and partnering with a professional chef? Pump up the music and let’s get cooking. “It shouldn’t work,” as they say on MasterChef, “but it does.”

Saturday Night Takeaway

Replace Eggy and Shouty with Ant and Dec. Job done.

EastEnders

Draft in Danny Dyer as a guest judge. Goodbye, “Nice plate of food.” Hello, “Get on that, it’s proper naughty.” And for the losers: “Get outta my kitchen.”

Take Me Out

We’ve all seen that sort before, just here to try to get a wink from Wallace. Add a dash of romance and let the shallot see the red wine reduction.

The Fried Chicken Shop

So these chefs can cook. But can they cook during Friday night chicken shop rush hour, where tongues are loose and bargain buckets are ordered by the truckload? Send them down to Rooster Spot and you’ll soon find out.

Breaking Bad

Who needs a kitchen when you can have a super lab? Cooking doesn’t get tougher than this.